When a child comes into your home through adoption or foster care, it’s a moment many families have dreamed of for years. But it’s also a time of intense emotions for everyone involved. So, how can you prepare for this life-changing experience?

I recently adopted a rescue dog and learned about the ‘3-3-3 Rule’ in the adoption packet. It struck me as relevant to my work as an adoption professional, especially in working with older youth in foster care and families seeking to build their families through adoption.

The ‘3-3-3 Rule’ helps explain the natural timeline for adjusting to a new family member. Just like bringing home my new dog, building a deep bond with a child takes time, often measured in days, weeks, and months. It’s normal for children to feel overwhelmed, scared, and unsure in the early days and weeks. At the same time, you may experience a range of emotions about the significant change this new addition brings to your household, including positive feelings and more challenging emotions.

After a few weeks, you and your child are likely to settle into a routine and begin to form trust and comfort with each other. You might start to see their personality emerge and experience some testing behaviors. Within a few months, you will all begin to establish more trust and security in your relationship.

Like any committed relationship, building a life together takes time and will have ups and downs. It’s normal to struggle at times as you navigate this new relationship. While you may have dreamed of welcoming a child into your home, they may only see this as the loss of everything familiar to them. Children need your patience, love, and support to come to terms with all that they have lost and to slowly embrace a new family. Keep a long-range view and measure progress in the little things that help deepen your bond.

Remember, there are no unwanted children, just unfound families.